A Marriage Story (2019) Dissolving Faster Than Kim K's BBL
Deflate-gate (look at me knowing sports stuff!!!) was just the beginning
Is Gisele Bündchen a witch?
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, of that, no one can be sure.
Has she cast spells? Yes. Does she do weekly “crazy pre-game rituals” ??? ALSO YES. But suspicion is only 13/7ths of the law (I feel like that’s not right, but I’m not good with fractions) All I’m saying is — if EYE was her, I wouldn’t go anywhere near Salem.
But if you’re at all plugged in — it’s hard to get away from the headlines about Gisele and Tom Baby Brady going THROUGH IT and what’s more is that their frustrations have been spilling out from their private lives onto the streets of New York, as well as the football fields of wherever this is. But Tom, baby is everything okay at home? I mean I know it’s not, but girl!
The thing is, Gisele had her own career being America’s Next Top Highest Paid Supermodel, and she’s STILL IN THE RUNNING, but she gave it all up to build him FROM SCRATCH.
He had a true career AND looks glow-up from all the spells time, effort, hair plugs in Turkey, and Juvederm she put into him. Like Maren Morris says, “When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter” but I’m not so sure! Was he already a GOOD athlete? Who knows, I never watched any of his games, but all I know is she made him into a GREAT one! Minus deflate-gate, but I feel like he was bein hard-headed so that wasn’t her fault. Giving Charmed vibes.
In an interview with Elle Magazine she said
"Obviously, I have my concerns—this is a very violent sport, and I have my children and I would like him to be more present," she said of her husband. "I have definitely had those conversations with him over and over again. But ultimately, I feel that everybody has to make a decision that works for [them]. He needs to follow his joy, too."
But that’s the thing about marriage. It’s work, it’s heartache, it’s lots of compromise, it’s — tbh marriage sounds like going on a birthday trip with your now ex-boyfriend to the Balearic islands and staying at a luxury Airbnb but y’all get there and ain’t NO luxury to be found and it’s bugs EVERYWHERE and so y’all just have to make the best of it, but the best of it ends up being y’all both get diarrhea.
I’m good on the whole marriage thing, thanks, luv! (unless Prince Carl Philip of Sweden is planning to propose, then I’m game)
As they (Semisonic) say, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” and you know what? Tru. Gisele tell-all book and relaunching her modelling career SOON COME!!!
Anyways, I got my second Monkeypox shot, so let’s celebrate THAT! Maybe I’ll rebound with Gisele. OR, if you’d like to take me on a date applications open September 23rd 2022 at 4pm.
Honourable Mention
For the 25th Anniversary of Butterfly, for which tracks have been updated and added (even a cover of The Roof with Brandy) Mariah Carey has taken fans (or as she affectionately refers to them, lambily) on a behind the scenes look at the making of the video of her 1997 chart topping smash #1 hit Honey. Remember when Making The Video was around? And the infamous episode where Britney is making Stronger and tries to jump up on the spinning chair and fucks up her knee???? The country wept that day.
Anyway, Honey is one of MY favourite videos, but I feel like something bad always happens on Mariah’s video shoots. It’s giving death trap babes. Also I love the Butterfly video when it’s all about horses and not a single butterfly is seen. Queen of doing whatever the hell she wants.
The queen’s corgis watched her be carted off, but I have been told by trusted sources that they have found a home and will be taken care of!
Don’t Mention It
I’m not sure what’s going on with all the former Victoria’s Secret Angels’ marriages, but Behati Prinsloo’s husband, Adam Levine, of Songs About Jane fame has a Secret of his own (that was for my OG Songs About Jane girlies, I love that song) and it comes in the form of this tiktok (which may or may not be deleted by the time you read this) detailing his ALLEGED illicit affair with a girl who needs to relax on the lip filler.
Also, not to victim blame but she was like “I was so young” and it happened LAST YEAR!!! Girl, he’s been married for half of your life, he is disgusting, you shoulda BEEN knew that. He literally DMs her to ask if he can name his baby after her. The baby he is having with his WIFE!!! Men are DISGUSTENG
Why would you want to date/fuck Adam Levine, a man whose body looks like the sketchbook of a kid with ADHD??? Photo: Backgrid
The Giseles are really ON ONE huh??? Day ???? of still not having any Renaissance visuals. What have I done to forsake thee? Am I not worthy of gazing upon that ass or them pretty tig ol’ bitties? Dost thou NOT want me to cuff it? Should I not have taken the plastic off the sofa like you told me to???? Beyonce PLEASE!!!
Michelle Obama’s new book cover is SO UGLY, I want Ezra Miller to get ahold of it and do what NEEDS TO BE DONE. I mean, really????
Michelle Obama’s Chicken Soup for the Soul Canva designed book cover Photo: Penguin Press
Did I Forget To Mention
Y’all know I love a good period piece, and The Serpent Queen on Starz is my Game of Thrones / House of the Dragon / Lord of the Rings. It’s so witty and the costuming is great! And the wigs are GREATER
Tyra Book Mail
I got sent a book that doesn’t come out until next year, but friend, it’s SO good. You’re gonna love it. You’re gonna devour it. You’re gonna DEEPTHROAT it!!!!
BREAKING!!!!!!!: PS, I’m seeing Don’t Worry Darling this Thursday, so the paid post is gonna be — ENLIGHTENING to say the least!!!!
PSS, this newsletter is still young (Leo would LOVE her) so I’m still finding my footing, but if there is something I’m not including in the newsletters that you’d like to see, let me know! Conversely, if there’s something you’re seeing too much of and that you’re sick to death of, I’d like to know that too!
Thank you for reading Now That I Mention It, and now that I mention it — thank you for being a friend.