Baby Daddy Alert: Robert De Niro's Old Sperm Haven't Learned New Tricks

They clock in to work FAITHFULLY

The internet is currently obsessed with daddies.

Between Pedro Pascal, Oscar Isaac, and SHCP (Short Hair Chris Pine) we really can’t get enough of fashionable, distinguished old(er) men who are still in their Prime Fuckability Era. Maybe Sigmund Freud was right! Everyone DOES have daddy issues! Also, now that I mention it—am I the only one who oft confuses Sigmund Freud for Siegfried and Roy? Is this a millennial thing? I can’t help it if a guy who nearly got his face torn off by a tiger who was SO over it is more famous than a guy who wanted to do bedroom things with his mum! Sorry!

Anyway, enough about that. While we were thirsting over theoretical daddies (Pascal, nor Pine actually have kids, and it was only TODAY that my skills as a very hot investigatory journalist led me to find out Oscar Isaac has TWO children girl WHAT?) Robert Anthony De Niro Jr got up out of his easy chair, grabbed his cane, popped a Viagra and said “Hold my Ensure.” Just a year shy of becoming an octogenarian, he had another baby.