Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez Are Once Again Homeless
Love don’t cost a thing, but houses do!
A fun fact about me is that I love House Hunters.
There is absolutely nothing more thrilling to me than watching a newly married couple who have completely different design (and life) styles try to find a house they both love and enjoy. Also, not to career shame, but the husband is always some guy who makes didgeridoos for a company you’ve never heard of, and certainly not to be outdone, the wife sells sea shells by the sea shore, and these people team up with a poorly dressed, exhausted realtor who reveals their budget is $875k. WHERE ARE Y’ALL GETTING THAT MONEY FROM?!
Now, to each their own, but they ALWAYS pick the wrong house. They see a dozen properties with a gorgeous fireplace, travertine tile, and amazing natural light but they’ll walk into the great room and be like “I don’t like the paint colour” so they move on to another house. You can change the paint colour people! It’s not hard!!! Spoiler alert—they usually pick the boring new construction.
Anyway, Ben Affleck, and Jennifer Lynn Affleck (née Lopez) are no different. They have been home hunting (not like Ben’s fake insta positive attitude hunting) for months, and just recently dropped out of the very ugly $65M Pacific Palisades home in which they were in escrow.
The thing is, this is the SECOND property they’ve dropped out of while they were in escrow. Another property in the same neighborhood of Pacific Palisades which was half the price of the most recent. Only $35M! Practically a steal! But like, the gravel, chile rich people are NUTS.
Honestly, I feel for them, we are DEEP in a housing crisis. It’s a travesty what is happening in the world where it’s so hard to find a house, just a place to rest your head in one of your 8 bedrooms, or take a eucalyptus shower in one of your 11 bathrooms. (Queue that shower scene of Ben Affleck in Gone Girl) I just—I am praying for them in difficult, trying times like these. Truly heartbreaking.
Now that I mention it, another fun fact about me is that I think rich people have terrible taste. When I become a rich people, I will show them how it’s done. Actually—when I’m a rich people (very soon) I will become a recluse, extremely private, Howard Hughes 2.0 because WHY are you in my business! Anyway, like I was saying before, rich people have terrible taste as illustrated by the many Architectural Digest Home Tours that have been released over the years. However, for every rule, there is an exception. This one has three. (I’ve linked the tours and also linked some of my tweet threads about them, only cause I love you)
Exception No.1: Vanessa Hudgens
One thing about Vanessa is that she’s just a girl who wants to have fun. Sure she made light of the many potential deaths from COVID (I think I was on day 3 of having COVID when I watched the video) but also she gave us the Princess Switch series, and her home is so lush, so gorgeous, so peaceful—we really shouldn’t ask her for anything else. God forbid a woman rests!
Exception No. 2: Kirsten Dunst
Whether you love Kirsten (and you BETTER spell her name right!) for her role of terrifying blonde child Claudia in Interview with the Vampire, or her pivotal performance as newly woke cheerleader Torrance in Bring It On, one thing is for sure, I want to live (and if I’m being honest, maybe even die) in her house. Dunst is also one of the few celebs to acknowledge their interior designer and have them walk/talk through the inspiration on the tour. We stan an intersectional feminist.
Exception No. 3: Rita Ora
Now, this may be a surprise entry for some of you because Rita is—eclectic. However, her very chic Victorian House in London? Gorgeous. I don’t know what was going through her mind while this was being filmed though because she literally, basically gave people her address and ended up having to move because fans kept dropping by. Or, maybe that was her plan all along to help sell the house now that she’s a married woman. Brilliant if so. Anyway, stream You Only Love Me on Spotify!
Honourable Mention Exception: Dakota Johnson
Listen, Dakota Johnson may have a face that looks like she’s seen an iPhone even though she starred in a period piece. She may lie about being allergic to limes, and she may lock people inside a Blue Bottle Coffee Shop, but one thing you can’t take away from her is the fact that her home is absolutely STUNNING. Did she help design it? No. Has she ever seen any of these objects before she did this tour? Also no. But we thank her for taking us on the journey anyway.
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"Dakota Johnson may have a face that looks like she’s seen an iPhone even though she starred in a period piece" stooopp I can't! lmao