Here's How Gigi Paris Soft Launched Her Breakup With Glen Powell
The investigation is over
It seems like only two days have passed since I started this investigation, and guess what—that’s exactly how long it’s been. And now look at us.
Am I a better gay detective than Benoit Blanc? Sure. Did I solve the case without anyone dying? Absolutely. Do I dress better than him, and speak without an aggrandized caricature of an accent? You bet your sweet ass! These things are all accurate, but this is not about me, exquisite taste in fashion, nor my superb sleuthing skills. It’s about 2 hearts that became 1, coming undone.
According to Twitter’s reliable media outlet PopBase—Gigi Paris and Glen Powell have broken up. Did I know this was coming? Yes. Am I still gonna talk about it? Also yes.
After the video of Glen dipping Sydney with more glee than Ryan Murphy, it was only a matter of time before this relationship came undone. Listen—I don’t blame her. This is truly one of the worst things about dating an actor. They have to pretend to be in love with someone else, looking into their eyes, kissing their lips, putting sunscreen on their back and in other places I won’t mention in this family friendly newsletter.
Sometimes—the pretending isn’t really pretending anymore. And Gigi knew that. She’s a smart girl, which is why she’s been soft-launching this breakup for the past week. It was very strategic. If you’re not sure what a Soft-Launch is, let me break it down.
Soft-Launch
(noun) The release of a new boo into society (social media) by way of small hints on main. This includes/but is not limited to posting a photo of:
His hand on your thigh/leg/drink/arm/a glass near your glass
The back of his head
Wearing an item of his clothing—most often a hoodie, but other garments are acceptable such as a button down, hat or oversized coat
Screenshots of wake up texts
His butt
All of these things are considered soft-launches into a relationship. What’s different here though is Gigi is soft-launching OUT of a relationship.
First she was posting all kinds of obscure references being cryptic like she was Khloe Kardashian when she got cheated on by Tristan Thompson. But then she decided to get a little more crystal clear posting a screenshot of her listening to Aretha Franklin’s RESPECT.
Then, she removed all the photos of Glen from her grid—and now that I mention it—this is the perfect time to give y’all some advice. Don’t post people as the main photo in your grid. I don’t care if you’re married or not. Your mother, father, sister, brother—people will piss you off sometimes and is ruining your aesthetic worth it? If you absolutely MUST, give them a second or third slide, because when/if you break up, you’re gonna be left with a weird looking Instagram grid, and no one wants that. My boo is littered all over my Instagram, but you’d never know it by looking!
Anyway, after that, she unfollowed Sydney Sweeney AND Glen Powell. She said I’m an equal opportunity unfollower!!! You won’t be making a fool of ME! And today, she posted a photo in New York—is she the new girl on And Just Like That? Who’s to say. She and her little dog aren’t in Kansas anymore. Maybe she can try to find love at the High Line—it worked for Taylor Swift (for a while) it can surely work for Gigi.
But one thing she DOES know, is her worth.
Also—this is what the judge looked like when I presented all the evidence in my investigation. She said “Oop! Case closed sweetie! Court adjourned!”
Thank you for subscribing to Now That I Mention It—and now that I mention it, thank you for being a friend!
Benoit could never...so thorough as usual!
I’m obsessed with having Silver Springs on her stories too. The best break up song ever.