It's Not Funny Haha, but Funny Queer
How am I supposed to explain this to my children
As you may well know, no one loves a display of gays doing gay kissing while gay as much I do, so, last week, against my better judgment I went to see the queer home of sexual romcom Bros. It stars the streetwalker Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane the Herculean bad actor guy from the Hallmark movies who can’t turn his head without turning his whole body. And you’re probably thinking to yourself, Meech, baby what’s going ON! This is a cry for HELP! Why would you see that movie! I know, I know I know. But darling, don’t worry.
For one, I love romcoms, there’s nothing like cuddling up on a rainy day with a cashmere blanket, and a warm mug of spiced apple cider to watch two bumbling idiots overcome their obstacles and fall in love when everything would work out fine if they just learned to communicate with each other properly. RIP Romeo & Juliet.
Romcoms are the backbone of society, they give us hope that there is someone out there for each and every one of us. Sometimes that person is the man who is shutting down your small bookstore because his father is rich and corporations like his are ruining the publishing industry and squashing good, decent mom and pop businesses, and the movie isn’t really a romcom at all, but a film about Tom Hanks being a psycho and shutting down the business of an unproblematic white woman! Meg Ryan did NOT deserve that! Other times, it’s a movie star in London shooting a movie who pops into your bookshop and y’all have a torrid affair — now that I mention it, more romcoms should be about fucking someone who owns a bookshop, that’s very romantic. Kissing around a bunch of old books. Oscar Wilde death dropping in his grave. And then there’s My Best Friend’s Wedding, which is perfect and self explanatory.
I wanted to support the queer community! I like (a few) queer people — some of my favourites are Tom Hardy (bi king) Freddie Mercury (RIP king of Queen) and Eric Northman (bi-vi-king). And lastly, I saw that film because I’m a masochist who doesn’t know when to say when. So the movie theatre got my $17.95, and they got me good.
The thing is, I knew this film was gonna be bad because the trailer looked awful, and Billy Eichner is really annoying. Then again, who am I to say someone is annoying? I am too! But at least I’m funny, and not just loud. The press for this film started to rub me the wrong way a couple weeks ago when he made a snide remark about Bros being the “first mainstream gay romcom” when queer BIPOC-led Fire Island had come out only months earlier, and it was actually good with a great soundtrack. We also have films like Moonlight and Brokeback Mountain that — while sad as fuck — actually have something to say, and Bros, well — doesn’t. I also think the title Bros is stupid, they should have gone with a title like Butt Buddies, Anal Amigos, Hole Hombres, Fudge Factory Friends, or even Penile Partners. The title Bros is — much like the film — boring.
I don’t want to rag on this film too much, but it’s just very unserious. A mediocre premise, with bad acting, the leads had no chemistry, and the soundtrack was not good. Eichner also talked so much about the sex scenes that would make straight people uncomfortable, but the sex scenes were comedic, and not at all sexy. It flopped, of course and who did he blame? Homophobes, straight people and other gays.
At the end of the day, Bros is a film about gay people made specifically for straight people. It announces that it knows it’s a “cis white male” film but doesn’t do anything about it. None of the other characters are three-dimensional, save for Huck from Scandal (how does that show keep coming up in this newsletter lol, chile B6-13 done found you!) and he plays a straight man in the film. Also, Debra Messing is in it for a total of 4 minutes and out acts EVERYONE. She said I may have been on Will & Grace but you WILL not disGRACE my acting career! It’s a 2/5 stars for me babe, sorry. Anyway, it’s spooky season bitches, and I just got a text from your dad!
Honourable Mention
Today DRAINED Me
The season premiere of bloodsucking (among OTHER things getting sucked) queer vampiric television series Interview with the Vampire was exhilarating! So fun, so gay, all camp, no subtext. I admire how they allow my toxic bi king Lestat de Lioncourt to be his true authentic self, and the writing is absolutely brilliant. It is literally POETIC. I know Anne Rice was a FREAK! (RIP to her)
Louis and Lestat courting each other in a park like a couple of adorable queers. Photo: Screenshot Plus, it’s cheeky. If you aren’t watching this series, what are you even doing with your life? Quit your job and stream this show! Actually, you should prolly go back to work because only two episodes have dropped and AMC+ is like $8.99/month
This Is How You Throw A Party
In MykonosAt A Ski LodgeMariah Carey move OVER, there’s a new Queen of Christmas coming, that’s right miss Lindsay Lohan is back in the snow (not cocaine) starring in a new Christmas film with ex-Glee alum, Chord Overstreet and she looks SO GOOD. One thing LiLo is gonna serve us is a fantastic mid-budget film, and I for one am glad she closed her beachfront Mykonos property and came back stateside. As Lindsay Lohan (soon to be Shammas) would say, “inshallah.”
Don’t Mention It
Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner At Tiffanys ( can you come up with something ELSE)
Beyoncé has still not provided us with ANY videos for the album she put out two fucking months ago, but what she HAS done is released another ad for Tiffany and Co. that essentially serves as more cliquebait for the visuals. Does she look great? Yes. Does this make me more excited for the videos to actually be released? Also yes, but I’m not gonna tell HER that!!!
Not Another Slave Movie 2
Will Smith has come back from
letting the chatter from The Slap die downhis extended vacation only to release an Oscar bait film for AppleTV+ which I don’t understand because he already has an Oscar. Does Antoine Fuqua know how to make a film that’s not about the suffering of black men, because I don’t think!
Did I Forget To Mention
As temperatures continue to drop, that can only mean one thing: climate change is a hoax we have officially transitioned into Autumn, which is my favourite season, and with that comes the need to facilitate the necessary changes around your home. If you don’t know who Athena Calderone is (Eyeswoon on IG) she (like me) is a multi-hyphenate. A lifestyle influencer, author, designer, and stylish white woman. (we’re literally the same, it’s crazy) She recently released a collaboration with Crate & Barrel — which is weirdly now catering to a younger, more sophisticated crowd than CB2 — and the collection includes this Pile Parfaite mug that’s similar to this Roman & Williams Guild one, but it’s not $95 fucking dollars. Like, I don’t think!
You can sip your spiced apple cider out of this and be like, you know what? As per usual, Meech was right. Also, it’s not gonna break your bank!
Last week, you spooky cuties chose Scream (1996) as the film you’d like me to live tweet, so on Thursday night October 6th @ 8:30 pm EST tune in! (Not us having a date) I will be tweeting away my horny spooky heart.
Since everyone loved last week’s playlist, this week’s theme is a BOYS. Enjoy!
Thank you for subscribing to Now That I Mention It — and now that I mention it, thank you for being a friend.
boy (i need you) making the playlist- wow. more proof that this newsletter is basically scripture at this point 😭🙏🏻