My Witchcraft Has Paid Off

My magic is more than practical!

Longtime readers may remember my investigatory journalism into whether or not Gisele Bündchen is a witch (spoiler alert—she is, allegedly!) but let’s just say I picked up a few spells along the way, because as you may well know, things in Hollywood have kind of been going my way! And there’s a reason for that!

After my stint praying on the downfall of the Scream franchise, I turned my sights to praying on the rise of James Marsden. Should I have been doing this before? Yes, but also as a parasocial husband I wanted to give him time, and a chance to do things for himself. To feel like a man. But sometimes, chile you have to take things into your own hands, which is what I did. And it worked! Most notably—and I can’t contain my excitement anymore, but our White Man of Colour James Marsden is nominated for a Golden Globe! Let me be clear—

But I am not the first sexy boy-witch of my kind. There’s a lot of us out there!

I can’t lie—I held back on this newsletter to see what James would post and he’s being very blasé about it! Maybe he doesn’t want to get too excited in case he doesn’t win (the category IS stacked) but sir—at least pop some champagne! Celebrate a little!

Anyway, I googled “James Marsden Christmas Movie” and it showed me a Nicholas Sparks film called The Best of Me which I’ve never heard of, nor seen. This feels like it’s gonna be a letdown because Nicholas Sparks be WILDIN but one thing about me? I’m gonna support my man! Will report back! (also if you’ve seen this, bless you)