Is Kate Middleton Gone, Girl? An Investigation

The Princess Switch

Generally, outside of Beyoncé, Meghan Markle’s Loro Piana coats, and Prince Harry’s penis “oscillating between extremely sensitive and borderline traumatized,” I couldn’t give a rat’s arse about the royal family. However, a princess is missing, and even the most anti-monarchal among us must admit something fishy is going on across the pond! As an investigatory journalist, now more than ever, it’s time for me to grab a pair of Dr Scholl’s inserts, and walk a mile in Kate Middleton’s lewbatons.