Let Us Pray For Nick Lachey

Or whatever's left of him (and his voice)

Not to have sympathy for a man, but… exes of former pop princesses are having a rough week.

Mere days ago, aging man of the woods and In Time actor J*stin T*mberlake stepped away from his only duty of reviving the Trolls brand and released a new song ‘Selfish’ that sounds like—well, I’ve already shared my opinion on what that song sounds like…

This song release caused Britney stans who still hadn’t forgiven J*stin for his many past transgressions to stream her song ‘Selfish’ and send it racing up the music charts surpassing his. Was it embarrassing for him to have a 13 year old song by his ex be revived and soar past his newly released flop single? Probably! But who cares how he feels! What I will say is, he’s not alone in this fervent flop of former boy banders.

Let’s just say the heat has been cut off from Mr 98 Degrees. Longtime readers may remember my fondness for Nicholas Lachey’s song ‘What’s Left Of Me’. It was a huge moment post Newlyweds when they broke up and he tried to play the victim of their relationship even though he absolutely wasn’t—and now that I mention it, if you haven’t read Jessica Simpson’s memoir Open Book, aptly titled for those who may need directions on how to read—now’s as good a time as any! Although I do suggest the audiobook, because she reads it. So if you, like Lea Michele need help in that department, she’s there for you!

Is he a powerhouse singer? No. Would I ever pay to see him in concert? Also no—but would I make the trek to see him for free, definitely not—what I am saying is, he was part of the ensemble that gave us ‘Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche)’ and that should count for something, right? Right? Except, this video doesn’t support that theory!

This is a generous temperature assessment! I’d say 43 degrees!

Now, remember that old saying “If you don’t use it, you lose it”? Is that what happened to Nick Lachey’s voice? Because I remember him being able to carry a tune! Hold a note! Harness a harmony! And yet… this video exits, even though this video SHOULDN’T exist! Why are you covering a 4 year old Halsey song? And more importantly, she isn’t even a great singer, so why are you struggling?

Is this part of the Mandela Effect? What if we were collectively distracted by his frosted tips, muscles, and tribal tattoo to ever be accurate judges of his talent, and he actually never really had a great voice? Was I won over by his oversized, chunky knit v neck sweater ribbed for my pleasure, and his tan, supple chesticles popping out of the collar like a Victorian lady’s heaving bosom? PROBABLY!

Also, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that song was released TWENTY FOUR YEARS AGO!!!

Who can say, but what I will say is, I do feel a little sad for him, and I will pray. Anyway, Alexa, turn the heat up!