Why Does Margot Robbie’s Stylist Hate Her? An Investigation
Her crimes against fashion will not go unpunished
Hate is a strong word.
When The Pussycat Dolls released the smash hit number 1 chart topping single ‘I Hate This Part’ I was like “whoa. Strong feeling. Amazing song.” So when I use the word “hate” it’s nothing to be trifled with. Which is why when I say Margot Robbie’s stylist HATES HER?! Oh baby I mean it.
Margot is — for all intents and purposes — conventionally attractive. She’s a stunning woman, who from what I’ve seen in her interactions has been kind and gracious to those around her (fans and co-stars alike — some may say a little TOO gracious iykyk)
So when I saw her in The Wolf of Wall Street, I said she’s gonna make it big, as soon as she gets a new stylist, but she was up and coming, so I wasn’t stressing it. Later in the movie, she said “it’s gonna be nothing but short, short skirts from now on” as she dug her stiletto into Leonardo DiCaprio’s wide forehead. I don’t need her to wear short, short skirts, but I was excited she was thinking about a rebrand! We LOVE a rebrand. Also, let us acknowledge this Barbiecore moment (I can’t believe I just called something “core”) was fantastic career foreshadowing! We love that for her.
I have watched in dismay, time and time again as she has stepped foot on the red carpet, looking like an extra from the set of Sandra Bullock’s best movie Miss Congeniality (runner up is Practical Magic and then The Lake House — I don’t care what you say, having a dead love interest is romantic okay!)
Every time I think oh this can’t get any worse, she says actually, it can!
And after that, I think oh I can’t get worse after it’s already gotten worser, and then she tells me again bitch you thought. I’m gonna make it the worserest.
But ladies and theys of the jury, this cannot be Margot Robbie working alone. She has an accomplice. Nay, a foe. Someone who wants to see her jailed. They want to see her doing life without the possibility of parole for all the crimes she has committed against fashion, and that person? Is her stylist.
Now, my client — Miss Robbie, does not come from a background of other well-dressed Australians. Nicole Kidman? On the red carpet? I don’t think.
Although she DID do this Jimmy Choo ad back in the day (OMG it was 10 years ago) and mama ate it UP. No crumbs were left on that plate babe!
But then I guess there is Cate Blanchett, an almost always well-dressed Aussie.
The main point is that Australians are not known for dressing. Which is the whole reason why as celebs they get stylists. So ladies, theys, and gays of the jury, I ask you this: Would a beautiful woman who does not know how to dress, get a stylist, only to make her look worse?
Would my client PURPOSEFULLY step on that red carpet looking an absolute mess wearing this?
Exhibit A: for Atrocious
Or this????
Exhibit B: for Beside Myself With Grief
OR EVEN THIS?
Exhibit C: for CAN YOU BE FUCKING FORREAL?!
But how do we determine a motive for such especially heinous crimes? Are we missing something? Something bubbling, nay CHURNING beneath the surface that reveals what this malicious intent is caused by? Well I’m glad you asked.
I asked my detective friend with the fat ass, Detective Stabler what he thought about it, and after he did the splits (for the fourth time that day) he told me something that — I’m not sure I’m allowed to share it with the rest of the courtroom, but — he told me something that’s SO malicious, SO pernicious, SO especially heinous, just know — the hate is real. And I’m not too far off when I tweeted this. As per usual, I’m right.
Now that my client Miss Robbie is out of her Chanel contract, one can only hope that her stylist does the right thing and takes a note from Beyoncé. Release your anger. Release your mind. Release Miss Robbie, let her thrive!
In closing I would just like to say: if the dress does not fit, you must acquit not wear that shit.
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