Breaking My Silence: I Was Diagnosed With BTA
It's important for me to honest, now more than ever
This is not how I wanted you guys to find out.
It’s only been a few days since I was diagnosed, and if I’m being honest, it’s kind of been a lot for me to process, and a whirlwind of trying to understand it, but I wanted you to hear it from me, and not from PageSix, or TMZ, or from a Notes App post Colin Farrell made as he was lying next to me, shirtless, but also he obviously has a chunky knit sweater close by. I regret to inform you all that I have BTA.
You may not be familiar with it, but it’s more commonly referred to by its medical name: Beyonce Ticket Anxiety. I know you all have questions like OMG Meech, how could this happen to someone as hot, and funny, and smart, and well-dressed as you, and are you going to be okay?.
The truth is, it could happen to anyone. To you, or me, or even chart topping, pop sensation of 2001’s I Wanna Be Bad, Willa Ford. As far as me being okay? Until I have those tickets on my phone, turning up my brightness and scanning them at the door — I’m not sure I will be.
I want you to know I’m still the same person I always was, but I am — no, WE ARE going to get through this together. We will fight this. Together. I promise. My AppleWatch keeps informing me that my heart rate gets higher every time I read anything about the Renaissance Tour, so I have been limiting my exposure to one article or mention per half hour. I want to stay informed, but not TOO informed, you know? It’s like the Spice Girls once said in the chart topping No. 1 hit song Too Much
“Too much of something is bad enough… but too much of nothing, is just as tough
—The Spice Girls
Sources have said the fan demand for tickets is 800% higher than the supply. Where does that leave me? Why is Ticketmaster trying to BREAK MY SOUL, and why won’t they let me get COZY in the Club Renaissance circle? I am NERVOUS! As you may or may not have seen, I am building my entire birthday holiday around this tour.
People in the UK have been in queues of up to 300k+ and then get kicked out. Do you see why I have anxiety? What if I don’t get tickets? Am I supposed to just… exist? Did you know that FOMO kills 422,087 people EVERY YEAR? Does Beyoncé want me to be one of those people?
Luckily, there is a small bit of good news when it comes to those tickets
Well Miss Beyoncé, what will you say at my funeral now that you’ve killed me?
***Also, if you have ticket hookups, I am willing to do hand stuff, or maybe mouth stuff — WITHIN REASON — so let me know***
Thank you for subscribing to Now That I Mention It — and now that I mention it, thank you for being a friend.
I want you to know my quality of life has improved since I subscribed to your Substack 🥹
Paris presale today had 220,000 people as soon as it opened!