Meryl Streep and Martin Short What ELSE Going On in That Building?

Plus: Baby Bieber, Hot Mess Housewife, Sabrina Carpenter + more

I have a gift.

Not a gift like That’s So Raven where I can gaze into the future, partly predict awful atrocities, or know the lottery numbers, no, my gift is something more useful. My gift is something more exciting, more—dare I say, mindful? My gift is for looking at two people and immediately knowing whether or not they’re fucking. The couple in question? Sexy septuagenarians Meryl Streep and Martin Short. They’re fucking.

Let it be known that I called this over six months ago, mostly because there are ways you look at a friend, and there are ways you look at someone whose Dr Scholl’s boots you’re knocking, and this is the latter!

I for one am glad we’re getting back to the Hollywood happenings when actors fall in love with each other on set. Martin Short has been a widower for 14 years, and Meryl Streep has been separated for a while, why shouldn’t these two get to get busy?

And if Carrie Fisher were alive, (RIP mama) she would have told us about it too with her gossiping ass!!!

I would like to point out that this gift also extends to knowing whether two people who ARE fucking will last (as was the case with Bennifer who recently called it quits) and you know what maybe that part is a curse, what can I say, it’s my fifth sense.

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Let me gaze into YOUR future! What do I see? I see you saving 20% off your newsletter subscription by subscribing for a year! Ain’t that something?

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Honourable Mention

• Baby Bieber On Board

  Justin Bieber and William Baldwin’s niece have given birth to their first child, Jack Blues Bieber—I’m not sure how I feel about celebrities using regular people names for their child, but then again, I have to remember Justin is from Canada and his father’s name is Jeremy Jack Bieber—it’s like they thought of all the popular boy names in middle school and said let’s go with that, lol. Good for them

  

• Blink and You Missed It

  Zoë Kravitz’ new film Blink Twice is now in theatres, as someone who saw it—hmm. More on this later. I will say that she got a Beyoncé song cleared, which, is NOT an easy thing to do!

• Short People Winnin’

  Petite songstress Sabrina Carpenter released her new album Short & Sweet, and I like it! It is very short, but it’s also sweet! This song is a HIT!

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Don’t Mention It

• Beyoncé Being In Attendance

  I’m tired. I’m so tired. I have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray by outlets purporting to have knowledge about Beyoncé attending this show, or performing at that show. I watched THREE HOURS of the DNC Thursday night because so many outlets and insiders said Beyoncé was going to perform, and it looked like she was! But guess what dear reader, she didn’t. No one knows what Beyoncé is doing except Beyoncé and unless she text me asking me to show up at a certain time and place, then I simply am no longer getting my hopes up about anything.

• Bethenny Frankel Existing

  This woman is a DEMON. When she’s not eating seafood boils in the bedbug infested beds of hotel rooms or having meltdowns at Chanel, she’s picking fights with places in the Hamptons that sell chicken salads, and *checks notes* chain restaurant Le Pain Quotidien? What is Kamala Harris’ plan to LOCK HER UP?!

• RFK, Jr and his brain worms

  Need I say more?

• Jack Schlossberg

  He don’t got the Kennedy swag, I’m sorry, but he doesn’t.

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Did I Forget To Mention

Interview with the Vampire is on Netflix and you better be watching it!!!!!!! It’s a show about a gay (and a bisexual!) vampire where nothing bad ever happens, and they love each other and live happily ever after. Or is it… maybe you have to watch to find out