Is Miss Flo's New Film Simply Volume II of Don't Worry Darling? An Investigation

Just when y'all thought the worrying was over

Case File No. 80085:

I was perusing gossip site www.twitter.com/timeline (no wine this time, sadly) when all of a sudden, I hear this GRATING, AGITATING voice! Lo and behold — It’s Father Freckles himself, Morgan Freeman. This confused me, because I was like shouldn’t he be somewhere (ALLEGEDLY) kissing his step-granddaughter he was gonna marry? Also that step-granddaughter’s boyfriend is a murderer — but this post is not about that.

Anyway, Father Freckles is in a new film written and directed by Zach Braff. Now, let me just say a couple things:

1. I used to enjoy watching Zach Braff as a ne’er-do-well doctor on Scrubs (also the theme song was FIRE) whose bromantic relationship with cafe-au-lait skinned Donald Faison was THIS CLOSE to being a disco-dancing friend of Dorothy relationship, but also, it mirrored my collegiate friendship (we fucked tho)

2. He has really good hair. Like I can’t even lie.

3. He is weird.

Now, I say all that to say this, Zach Braff needs to be stopped. I feel like they made this movie while they were still dating, or maybe it was after they broke up. Possibly during? I can’t remember, and also I don’t care, SO, when the trailer auto-played on my feed, I was like what the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on! (that’s my new way of saying Hell for a while, deal with it)

Meech @MediumSizeMeech

LOLOL Omg. Zach Braff needs to be stopped. He had Florence Pugh kill a black woman, get an ugly haircut and then be like “my life is so hard”

Miss Flo seems very professional to me, so I feel like she showed up to this ready to WORK and didn’t think about the optics of it. Especially when her current/ex-boyfriend was the writer director. Fight me ( I will win) but Garden State is TRASH. There is NO way you are going to convince me his energy is that of a big dick — BUT you know what? It DO always be the skinny ones! ANYWAYS!

Rebekah Weatherspoon Updates! ✨🍯✨ @RdotSpoon

@MediumSizeMeech I mean did you see Don’t Worry Darling

This movie is about Florence Pugh, a long haired brunette being in an interracial relationship with a black man. Meanwhile, across town, they’re driving and she kills his sister. Now, when I say “kill” I don’t mean like Michael Myers, I mean like Caitlyn Jenner, or Brandy, or Rebecca Gayheart. Three women who should NEVER be behind the wheel of a car again. It wasn’t a crime of passion, and babe, the thing is — not to be rude, but I’m starting to realize, black women don’t do so well around Miss Flo!

Miss Flo looked at Kiki Layne and said “she’s just like me, but with bangs!” Photo: Screenshot

One of my favourite things is in a movie when the woman is going through something, and she goes in the bathroom and cuts all her hair off into this disgusting mullet and that’s supposed to be empowering somehow. Like Jlo said — ENOUGH!

The haircut looks a mess, and we should say it. It’s okay. Photo: My well-used housewives meme database

Florence Pugh in A Good Person (debatable) Photo: Screenshot

Florence been listening to Black Beauty by Lana del Rey, she said 🎵I paint my nails black / I dye my hair a darker shade / oooff browwwnnnn / cause you like your women Spanish / dark, strong, and proud 🎵 — okay let me stop.

No but truly, What is Joe Biden’s plan to stop Zach Braff and his woke agenda?

Meech @MediumSizeMeech

I mean I guess we should be thankful out of all these black people she only chose to kill 1. But a black woman??? Her feminism is NOT intersectional

I haven’t seen the movie, so who KNOWS how many black people she kills in the end. I mean she could taking people out like the eliminations on America’s Next Top Model.

Meech @MediumSizeMeech

Miss Flo said “you’re next Malik!!!”

Jordan Peele better watch his back, because Florence Pugh is doing the killing!

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