Ozempic Alert! Taylor Swift Loses 160lbs of Useless Man

I knew he was trouble

If this were the 90s and I was in the audience on Jenny Jones, Oprah, or Maury, I’d be screaming at Taylor Swift “Drop that zero, and be your own anti-hero”

As longtime readers may well know, I am a staunch advocate for divorce. What you may not know, is that I am also an advocate for breaking up with boring ass men who don’t even give you the booth seat at a restaurant. At long last, it seems like Taylor has finally gotten the memo, listened to Ariana Grande and broken up with her boyfriend.

On Easter weekend (not she stealing Jesus’ thunder) news outlets reported that Swift had broken up with “actor” Joe Alwyn, her longtime boyfriend of six years. Now—not to be rude, but I have a couple of questions: