I Can't Stop Thinking About The Trailer for Dakota Johnson's New Film The Materialists

Challengers Vol II

Apart from Mercury turning retrograde, and the world crumbling around us, not much happened this week, then the trailer for The Materialists, a movie about Dakota Johnson (a matchmaker with bangs) having to choose between Pedro Pascal (a handsome rich) and Chris Evans (a handsome poor who could somehow afford a Turkish hair transplant) dropped.

The Materialists marks the second project from Celine Song with A24 after the success of her directorial debut Past Lives. Is setting the trailer to a cover of Madonna’s Material Girl a bit much? Sure—but what caught MY attention was the beginning of the trailer where they’re celebrating Johnson with a huge party AND A CAKE because she’s successfully helped *checks notes* nine (9) couples get married through her matchmaking.

Is nine a small number of marriages to be responsible for? As a regular person, no. As a matchmaker? YES! It’s also such a weird number to celebrate and have a cake for! What is HAPPENING???

This is like celebrating your 20th birthday, or a 24th wedding anniversary. It’s SUCH a strange choice.

Does the number 9 probably play some sort of role in this film—sure, I can believe that, but also, girl what the fuck.

I also immediately noticed the blue dress she’s wearing and clocked that it was same shade of blue Zendaya wore in the Challengers movie, directed by Song’s husband Justin Kuritzkes. Clearly, there is some unfinished business here.

One thing I can appreciate though, is The Materialists bringing back the glamour of smoking. Smoking is disgusting. Cigarettes stink. The stench permeates your hair and your clothes, and kissing someone who just smoked a cigarette makes me want to vomit—HOWEVER, it’s glam as fuck. It’s chic. It’s Parisian. Cruella de Vil smoked. Bette Davis smoked. The woman in that show about those people who went to place smoked! Smoking is IMPLIED glamour!

I need to know the cigarette budget for this film

Anyway, am I absolutely sat for the release of this film. I’m anticipating it, I may even go to Reformation and buy a blue dress in this hue, and stop at a bodega to grab a pack of Marlboro Lights for it. Anything is possible.