The Met Gala: A Recap
The Garden of Time
One thing Tom Ford and I have been saying for the last few years is that the fashion industry is in DIRE need of saving, because baby it is FLAILING, and that couldn’t be more evident than at this year’s Met Gala.
The 2024 theme Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion was once again confusing for our dear celebs, the dress code The Garden of Time based on a short story of the same name by JG Ballard, was either completely ignored, or way too literal.
Before going in—I made some predictions:
Interestingly enough, I only got one right! (I don’t know how I feel about that, as I was both too optimistic, and not pessimistic enough) Loewe really gave us nothing, but Cardi B did not slay, and there was no surprise guest—earlier I saw that Mariah Carey was attending for the first time, that didn’t happen, and in fact, most of the big songstresses—Beyoncé, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Willa Ford—were absent from the gala. But first and foremost can we talk about the carpet? It looks like a mold infestation! Who do they keep hiring to do it every year? It’s looked awful for decades.
The Co-chairs Zendaya, Chris Hemsworth, and JLo were wildly mismatched. Zendaya wowed in this stunningly camp, beautifully editorial number, and one thing I love about Zendaya is that her looks (outside of the Challengers press tour) are always so well thought out and complete. Head to toe, glam and accessories always so phenomenal.
Meanwhile, her co-chairs decided to wear beige, and I just—don’t get it. Also, who thought Chris Hemsworth was well-versed enough in fashion to be a co-chair at the fucking Met Gala? He’s never even had a fashion MOMENT!
Hey sleeping beauty! Get some spring in your step! Don’t run out of (the garden of) time! Get 20% off a year’s subscription!
How is this any different from Jennifer Lopez’s normal boring, beige glam? It’s not!
Let’s start with the good news, shall we? Speaking of Tom Ford, is this really on theme? No, but when you’re Tom Ford and you look this good AT 62—you can break a few rules.
Another of my best dressed is Demi Moore in this gorgeous number, the shape—and yes I know the florals—in spring—I get it, sorry, but this is groundbreaking and so stunning!
A few others that I thought were interesting but didn’t wow—Matthew Macfayden (mostly because he looks SO good with this ginger beard) Gwendolyn Christie, Lily James, and Colman Domingo.
And then there was Gustav Magnar Witzøe—Norwegian salmon heir worth $3.8B—I’m not sure what he was trying to do, but one thing I do know is that I know what I wanna do! I’m available for lunch on Thursday Gutsav!!!
I also really loved Alex Sharp’s take on a classic tuxedo—very chic
And then there were others… beautiful, but not for the Met Gala, especially Ambika Mod
Kim K wore a monstrosity of a dress that cinched her waist (dangerously tiny might I add) and this dirty cardigan that’s pilling SO BADLY—and of course, her same basic makeup. She and JLo are truly one in the same.
Bad Bunny’s look was fun, though not sure how on theme it was, but at least it wasn’t a boring tuxedo!
Baz Luhrmann was made for the Met Gala—I think every wife deserves a little gay husband!
But at the end of the day, this was a very boring, lackluster carpet, I’m just glad Frida Kahlo wasn’t alive to see it—she turning over in her grave though I bet!!!
I, too, was very very bored. Those that served, SERVED. Those that didn't--why go to this thing? Imagine getting an invite to the Met Gala and not showing up to play.
Is Baz Luhrmann becoming Siegfried or Roy? JLo is giving sinus infection. You made this flop fun, thank you! I hope Gustav does call you.