Thirst of the Week: Paul Mescal's Thighs in His New Gucci Campaign

Real eyes, realize, real thighs

This week’s Thirst of the Week is coming to you early in the week because much like Martin Luther King, Jr, I too had a dream—about Paul Mescal’s thighs.

Do you remember that incredibly underrated 2007 film Premonition starring Sandra Bullock where she’s depressed and she finds out her husband died only to wake up the next morning and he’s still alive so she learns she premonitioned his death? That’s the SAME THING that happened to me! Except it was me dreaming of being reunited with Paul Mescal’s thigh meat and it actually came true! One thing about me and Sandy? We’re GONNA premonish!

Also, now that I mention it—Mother Bullock is always in movies where her husband dies, so much so that I made a Letterboxed list for it. Justice for The Lake House!

Anyway, I know that I am a bisexual queer black man of colour and you may think wow, is there anything he CAN’T do, however, I am the first to admit—I am simply powerless to thigh meat. Strong legs are such an indicator of power, and with everything going on in the world, we simply MUST give in to our temptations, who knows how much longer we have!

In this new Gucci campaign, Paulbert is doing just that. (Also, Paul is such an informal name—it feels like it’s missing something, like it should be Paullip, or Pauslon, or Paulister, chile IDK, maybe I’m manic)

The campaign starts off pretty tame. It’s about shoes after all. But if it’s about shoes, why am I so bricked up all of a sudden? Do I need to go back and watch Normal People?

This photo isn’t so bad. He’s fully clothed, just lounging in an Alvar Aalto knockoff chair, like any white boy in Bushwick is wont to do. Nothing major. But then things start to get progressively horny.

It’s very come hither and watch a movie with me on my 13” MacBook. Photo: Gucci

Where did your jacket go Paullip? And your socks? When did men start showing ankles for the whole world to see? Have you no couth? Why buy the cow when you get the hooves for free!

Also showing bare midriff? Have some CLASS! But also keep going. Photo: Gucci

When I was a kid, my aunt (a friend of the family not my real aunt, but you know how that goes) would pop open a Zima and her filter would leave the room. She used to say “There’s nothing open this late except legs and gas stations” — well auntie, meet Paulerton Mescal’s open legs.

I cannot say what I wanna say about this photo for fear of restraining order. Photo: Gucci

But this photo. If I were in college I would write my thesis—nay, THIGH-SIS on it. How am I supposed to explain to my four years old daughter why papa has this photo blown up, hanging in the dining room and we pray to every night before dinner? Paul, as Lady Gaga once said in A Star Is Born, WHY DID YOU DO THAT, DO THAT, DO THAT, DO THAT, DO THAT TO ME!!!!

Also, I would like to point out that he’s wearing the same loafers made famous by bisexual queer white man of colour (he was in Italy, so I’m sure he got a lil brown, did you SEE Jude Law in that filmé) Tom Ripley in The Talented Mr Ripley as seen here, post makeover.

I imagine Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s ‘03 Bonnie and Clyde playing as they roamed through Italy. His look. Her look. The Vespa. Her coat blowing in the wind??? Kiss me I’m Alisson WOOO!

But we mustn’t forget the thighs who got us this far. The thighs who paved the way for Paullistair to bare his thighs in a national campaign. Thigh Suffrage of sorts. So let us celebrate other thighs on the honourable mention list:

Winston Duke:

Jonathan Bailey:

And the king of thighs himself, Robin Williams.

As King Claudius once said in Hamlet Act I Scene 3—”To thigh own self be true”