What The HELL Is Going On in the Jonas-Turner Household?

I’m Burnin’ Up! With questions

Let me start by saying I generally don’t get this opinionated, but here we are!

My life was so different before this week started.

The Tabi Theft Survivor wasn’t a huge story in media. The clearly drug addicted man who says he did coke, crack AND slept with Barack Obama wasn’t thrust in front of cameras by Tucker Carlson, no one pooped on a plane, and the Jonas Turner Household wasn’t in ruins, with a PR campaign that jumped off the rails and is bound to crash.

When it comes to Jophie—wait. Jurner? Tonas? Soe? I don’t know, we never officially gave them a celebrity portmanteau, but I like Jophie so we’ll go with that. Anyway, I have open palm knowledge (it’s like that thing between first hand and second hand knowledge) of the bliss that existed between them.

On a balmy August evening in 2018, I was sitting outside popular New York eatery Sant Ambroeus with my beau, having a nice glass of Sancerre, planning our Christmas/NYE Holidays. Spoiler alert, it was Paris—when Jophie, and his parents walked by and wanted to be seated next to us.