Women Are Talking, But I Would Love For Jennifer Aniston To Shut UP!

Can she BE any more annoying?

Back in the 90s, or—if I’m being honest, until May 2004 when they solemnly left the keys on the counter, I liked Friends!

I’m not gonna be one of those people who’s like “It was never funny” yes it was, STOP LYING! Joey with the turkey on his head? Phoebe having her brother’s babies, Ross and his monkey Marcel, Monica dating Tom Selleck (so jealous of her in that era), Chandler—anyway, all of that good will is going down the drain because Rachel Green won’t be QUIET.

Admittedly, there’s a lot going on today, but in the midst of all this Scooter Braun madness—which, is truly, madly, deeply insane, but more on that later this week—Jennifer Aniston is coming forward for what feels like the 90th time to talk about how bad cancel culture is. Meanwhile, no one asked!

Also, if you’re like girl who the hell is Scooter Braun, he sounds like an appliance from Home Depot, he’s the ex-manager of Ariana Grande, Demi Lovato, and more A-list musical celebs—and all of a sudden, most, if not all—are dropping him. If you want to be prepared for Friday’s post, I know y’all hate clicking links, BUT here’s some required reading to keep you up to date. Don’t say I never gave you nothing!

In some ways, she’s smart. She knows that her catalogue isn’t really resonating, or relevant for a younger demographic, that GenZ doesn’t care about her at all, and Millennials will always see her as Rachel Green. So I’m sure she figured, why not get back in the kitchen, rearranged a few things, and make a sharp right turn. As we have seen time and time again, pivoting right is profitable.

She knows outrage sells, and that conservatives have commandeered “Cancel Culture” and bastardized it in a way that no longer makes sense, and she also knows Season 3 of the boring show—I mean The Morning Show is coming back September 13th, and so like a dumb-dumb who think all press is good press, having her name on people’s lips is good. Well guess what? You’re not Roxy Hart, Jennifer! But also—

The North Remembers! She didn’t mind cancel culture then!

It’s the way she’s been talking about this same damn thing since MARCH! I promise you, no more than a few outrageously, chronically online people are calling for any kinds of movement to remove Friends from streaming anywhere.

If we’re being honest, people just… don’t care about her like that? I miss the days when she just drank her SmartWater, and lathered herself in Aveeno, and we didn’t have to hear her regurgitate any ridiculous talking points.

I miss the time when I thought she was an unproblematic white woman—we don’t have many of them! Julia Roberts is carrying the title on her BACK!

When Lindsay Lohan released Speak, she wasn’t talking about you, Jennifer!

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Anyway, I don’t want to leave you with a sour taste in your mouth, so here is a photo of the queens from Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, which is perhaps one of the greatest filmés ever made? They look so beautiful, and dreamy. I wanna have a slumber party with them.

I feel like they have so many secrets and i’m 1000000000% willing to keep them Photo: Entertainment Weekly, 2003

Also to make you laugh, here is a photo of Kendall Jenner’s new campaign for Stella McCartney LOLOLOLOL. That girl just can’t get right.

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