A Eulogy For Penn Badgley's Long Hair

The lord giveth, but he do be takething away too

I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face dear reader, and you simply cannot imagine how much it pains me to say this, but it is with great sadness that I must inform you, we are gathered here today to mourn a great loss.

Like Long Hair Chis Pine before us, at 11:53am today, I was unburdened by what has been, and burdened with what is the news that Pennjamin Badgley cut his long hair. *sniffles* somebody hand me a tissue

If you, like me, remember the Penn Badgley of the early pandemic, posting on TikTok with his hair flopping around, curls dancing in the wind like a dervish, you remember the good years (not the pandemic, just his hair at the time)

But as I said before, at 11:53 AM on this day, that whole persona for him shattered. Now that he is no longer contractually obligated to film YOU his long-running Netflix series ( I should have seen it coming actually, women’s intuition)

he decided to lose his damn mind and take his hair along with it. And now that I mention it—what he doing with that banana? I deleted TikTok so I haven’t actually seen this full video, but I need to know where it’s going for… research purposes.

Anyway, I remember the good old days at Paris Fashion Week, where he dressed like he worked at Runway Magazine. Was he wearing the Chanel boots? Who can never be sure, because nobody was looking at his feet (more on this later) I was looking at his hair, because I’m respectful (more on this later)

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Pennjamin Badgley shaving his head might save him time on his wash day routine, but you should be saving too! Subscribe for a year and save 20% off your monthly subscription! Now that’s what I call turning that frown upside down!

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Pennjamin Badgley may have been confused about how viewers could fall in love with Joe from his hit Netflix show, YOU, but it was never confusing to me, I saw the vision, we all did.

Emily may have been in Paris, but if you look closely, he got baguette in his pants! Okay that might be a little bit too overly sexual, but still, I mean look at his hair are we all seeing the hair? The point is the hair (I’m back to being respectful)

Pennjamin has ALWAYS been such a giving person, he gave us sweaty locker room talk, posting feet and hair in the same photo with an O-face, I mean, come on! This time I’m looking at the feet.

I will always remember him this way. Long hair Penn Badgley, you’ll go down in history.

To be clear, he’s not dead, LOL. He just cut his hair (but he might as well be) RIP King.

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