Is Everyone Hatewatching Without Me?
Everything is terrible, but at least garbage television is bringing us together
“Nicolandria.”
I don’t know what it means, but it’s provocative. Almost everyone I know is watching Love Island, not because it’s a good TV show, or because the islanders are actually looking for love (newsflash, they all want influencer brand deals) but because it gives them a sense of community to become invested in the lives of a gorgeous couple with a questionable portmanteau, a very fruity boy named Elan, and a girl who uses slurs who has now been exiled from the island. It’s the perfect hate watch. But it’s not just Love Island, no, there’s more.
Every week viewers tune in to And Just Like That, a reboot that asks—what if all the beloved characters you knew from that groundbreaking television show in the 90s got older and really fucking annoying, and they lost their fashion sense AND one of the main characters isn’t even in it!
The storylines on this show… evidently a character’s father has died twice, Miranda fucks a nun played by Rosie O’Donnell—and now that I mention it, whyyyyyy is Miranda having so many weird ass lesbionic sexual encounters? Why can’t she find one of those nice lesbians who reads, and builds things, and wears birkenstocks—or a good version of Ellen? Or even Portia! Or maybe even a YOUNG hot lesbian (or bisexual) who introduces her to Clairo? Why is she always going THROUGH IT!
Anyway, I too have fallen for a hate watch, this season of The Bear, which—to be honest—could have been a text. The only good thing to come out of it was Luca and Marcus being gay boys, and Sydney smoking cigarettes. Otherwise, YAWN.
But I want to know what you’re hatewatching to pass the time, the dread, and bleakness of existence. Everything is terrible and there isn’t even GOOD TV!!!
Everything feels like a hate watch these days and I’m over it!!! We need another HBO banger to unite us as a nation.
I don’t watch any of these shows—I just somehow absorb them via social media, like 2025 secondhand smoke—but every word you’ve written here is both true and hilarious.