Unfollowing Isn't Enough, It’s Time For Justin and Hailey Bieber To Consciously Uncouple

One less married girl

Mar 31, 2025

It’s time for Hailey to take the baby and book a room at the Heartbreak Hotel (the Whitney one, not the Elvis one)

It cannot be easy being the child of the least hot, least famous Baldwin brother EVEN WHEN one of the brothers has a wife with a fake hispanic accent and was involved in someone’s death. It cannot be easy when your husband has the face of an award-winning (not Grammy, but other, less important awards!) actress turned pop starlet, re-turned actress on his arm. Yes the tattoo is bad, but that’s not the point.

Especially when that pop starlet is responsible for such hits as ‘Love You Like A Love Song’ and ‘Come & Get It (When You’re Ready)’ who is also a competitor in your industry (not to mention in your husband’s head) the hits just keep coming.

And it cannot be easy to run a makeup empire while your son is named “Jack Blues Bieber” and yet, these are all the factors Hailey Bieber is faced with. To be honest, my heart BREAKS for her. But, there comes a time in every belieber’s life where she has to ask herself, what happens when you no longer belieb? Anyway, weeks after Justin unfollowed Hailey on Instagram citing a “glitch” when we all know that’s not how Instagram works, she has unfollowed him.

Could this have something to do with his cryptic Instagram live last night that the kids are calling a “crash out” — is he crashing out realizing Selena Gomez has moved on with a man who looks like the Honeycombs cereal mascot? Is he crashing out realizing he will never repeat the artistic inconicity of his 2013 album Journals? Possibly, but for me, it’s all a little too public. We need to know less about celebs!

And now that I mention it—one of the many drawbacks of being kicked off Twitter is that my treasure trove of cultural critique has been removed from public view. I can no longer offer up a screenshot to a time-stamped diatribe months ahead of its time. But, I have moved to Threads. And still I rise.

Me myself personally—the relationship would have ended when he closed the car door on her like this… again… in public. It’s clear that only one thing needs happen. In the words of Adele: DIVORCE BABE, DIVORCE.