Lady Whistledown Is In Her Housewives Songstress Era

Plus: Mary-Kate's New York Minute Man, The Boy Is Mine Remix, Joe Alwyn Speaks Now + MORE

Nicola Coughlan aka Penelope Featherington aka Lady Whistledown is a woman of TASTE, personally I knew that long ago (since Derry Girls) but it’s time you knew it too!

As such, in an interview last month, she expressed her interest in fulfilling her wildest dream—to extend her career into music, specifically making music for gay men, much like the messy housewife divas before her, noting that they don’t actually sing, they just list things like “caviar, shoes, yachts” and she might tell you a joke, but she won’t tell you a lie! Because that’s exactly what they be doing! LEGS and HIPS and BODY, BODY, BODY included! SOME might argue that Luann’s Money Can’t Buy You Class, and Chic C’est La Vie would be at the top of that list, but I’m open to discussion!

Well guess what gworls, she got her wish! (No thanks to Colin Bridgerton making everything WORSE!) It’s happening! It’s all happening! While the details are still under wraps, she is—as we saying in the business—in the studio. Watch this space!

At any rate, don’t be tardy for the party! Pre-save the song at this link!

---

Honourable Mention

• Yappers MORE Yapping

  Personally, I love a yapper. As a gemini, it’s my culture. Interview Magazine decided to get two Texas boys with long… winds together (and by together I mean via FaceTime) and boy were they YAPPING! Glen Powell and Matthew McConaughey had a chat while McConaughey was in a Santa Fe Snowstorm to talk about their respective careers, and the truth about stardom, now that it seems like Powell is following in his footsteps. He need to do a few more romcoms as far as I’M concerned. But McConaughey is such a great storyteller, and if I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again—read his book Greenlights! Actually, listen to the audiobook, it’s perfect. And if there’s one thing about me, it’s that I be knowing! I called it already

  

  And thankfully, that interview also gave us this photo. His hands. My god.

  

  Photo: Interview Magazine - Ashley Olah

• Mary-Kate’s New York Minute Man

  Longtime readers may remember how much I love Mary-Kate & Ashley, my two Gemini queens, and although I was VERY MUCH confused when Mary-Kate dated, THEN married Olivier Sarkozy, I too know that love can make you do some crazy things, especially when he’s tall. But thank GOD the crazy things are over, and a hotter, just as tall man is in the picture. Enter PC Valmorbida. I have more—a lot more—to say on this at a later date. Much to unpack dears.

  

• Joe Alwyn Speaks Now

  Falling in love on the High Line really could only end one way, badly. Readers may remember last year when they first broke up, and Jesus he was seen for the first time looking like he had just come out of the loo from a fresh cry sesh.

  Joe Alwyn Needs A Wellness Check

  Now he’s breaking his silence with the Sunday Times speaking about how hard things have been since the breakup, but also how being with someone that famous who uses public opinion in her favour is even harder. Thankfully, he’s come out the other side and has also been seen at fashion week, albeit dressed terribly—nonetheless living his life! Joe said about that wellness check, “guess what? I got well bitch!”

---

Don’t Mention It

• Whose Boy Is It Anyway

  Ariana Grande released the “remix” for her song The Boy Is Mine which featured artists Brandy and Monica who released the OG version of The Boy Is Mine back in 1998, and can I just say it SUCKS! I love the OG version and, very controversially, I love Ariana’s new version, but this remix is just a mess. Not only does it sound bad, but now that I mention it—it’s not a remix! Can Destiny’s Child or Mariah Carey teach the new girls what a remix actually is?! It’s a new arrangement, new melodies, new verses—you can’t just add a new a verse and call it a remix! GROW UP!!!

  I just have one thing to say—

  

• Just Trolling Around

  Trolls cast member Justin Timberlake had a harsh run-in with the law this week after being arrested for a DWI, and for better or worse, the internet rejoiced.

  Justin Timberlake's DWI: He NEED TO BE A Man of the Uber!

  We took no time to use his famous last words before being arrested against him. Thankfully no one was hurt (this time) but imagine being so egotistical that you drive drunk and get pulled over and all you’re worried about is your lil tour that’s not even doing well! You existing is hurting the tour!!!

  

• Romancing Dyeing The Stone

  Emma (née Emily) Stone is in a constant state of flux. After her second Oscar win for the fantastic Poor Things, She don’t wanna be called Emma no more, and she also doesn’t wanna be a fake redhead anymore—even though the red suited her MUCH more than any other colour. Also, we have so few red-haired actresses! But is it just me, or is she giving Kate Middleton a little bit here? Or she’s just a brunette white woman.

  

• The Whistle Blower(‘s Daughter)

  If Damien Rice was still famous, I’m sure he’d make a fabulous remix to his smash hit chart topping number 1 smash hit song The Blower’s Daughter (I’m actually positive this song never went number 1, but it absolutely DID go number one in my heart every time I (re)watched Closer) because after a couple of suspicious deaths and “suicides” later, the Boeing company is now admitting they “retaliated” against the whistleblowers who tried to alert us about the danger of those Boeing 737 Max planes. Thank GOD they finally admitted it, otherwise there no way to know who was killing those people!

  

• The Late Debaters

  Being in an election year “post-covid” feels insane, but next week, President Biden and Felon Trump will engage in the 2024 Presidential Debates, which feels even insanererer. Personally, I will be watching Veep instead, and maybe catching the highlights on X (née Twitter)

---

Did I Forget To Mention

To whom it may concern (you) my friend, and chic bob-haver has released her memoir! Bird Milk and Mosquito Bones by Priyanka Mattoo is out now, and if there were ever a time to pick up a book, sweetie it’s right NOW! (I’m seriously kind of a little bit thinking about starting a book club, because as you may well know, I’m a yapper! And a reader! A perfect combo)