Reese's Marriage is in Pieces but the Prenup is Intact!

Legally Blonde paid off!

I am a staunch advocate for divorce.

Hashtag Gisele was right! Hashtag I stand with Adele. Divorce babe, DIVORCE!

While I do love a big wedding, and a happy marriage, I’d wager that most of us grew up in a time when “divorce” was a dirty word ( it’s not ) or it felt like you had failed at life simply because you wanted to consciously uncouple from your partner.

Obviously there are reasons people choose to stay in a marriage like such as “we did it for the kids” or “the dick too bomb”— but let me tell you two things about that:

1. 

   The one thing Bling Empire gave was Anna. An icon, a legend. Photo: Screenshot

2. All you’re really teaching your children is that they should accept less love than what they deserve.

Baby girl, you should not be staying in a marriage that doesn’t serve you—a marriage where you aren’t growing together, where you feel like your needs aren’t important or being met, a marriage where you feel like you are taking care of a child rather than evolving with a partner.

Okay let me get off my soapbox.

Now, I don’t know if that is the case with Reese and Jim but the point still stands! ( Also, imagine marrying someone named Jim. Not even JAMES! Just Jim! PEE YEW!) Reese girl you gotta remember who you ARE! And speaking of who she is — remember when she got pulled over and whipped out the “Do you know who I am?” speech on the cop and he in fact didn’t know who she was? LOLOLOL

Meech @MediumSizeMeech

This clip from when got arrested

Pop Crave @PopCrave

In honor of Reese Witherspoon’s 46th birthday, tell us your favorite performance from the actress! 🍿 https://t.co/AvuW4PDh4o

Anyway, not every divorce can be like Sweet Home Alabama where you’re a hot NYC girlboss with a chic flipped bob, girlbossing in Manhattan at New York Fashion Week when it was still at Bryant Park ( and meant something ) and after your rich boyfriend with amazing hair proposes to you, you remember you’re still married and have to go back to Alabama to divorce the man you married when you were young and dumb who has thinning hair, and barely bathes, but instead of divorcing him, you fall back in love with him. LIFE CAN’T ALWAYS BE LIKE THAT!

And now that I mention it—WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND is running away from Patrick Dempsey!?! That hair? Those eyes? That smile?! Thank chunky knit Ralph Lauren Purple Label turtleneck??? He’s called McDreamy for a reason! Somebody call Meredith Grey, we need to this get this woman a brain scan stat because something ain’t right! Are y’all seeing this????

Y’all know I love a man in a chunky knit turtleneck. A man who only got better with time! And his little Cruela De Vil grey streak? Hot. Sexy. Debonair! We have to stan Photo: Moviestore/Shutterstock; BabiradPicture/Shutterstock

But then again, it’s 2023, a woman has the right to choose — and if she wants to, she can choose BOTH! As a Gemini, and a bisexual queer black man of colour, I advocate for always choosing both. You’re worth it!

Although — if I’m being COMPLETELY honest, why not just form a throuple? One man can make all the money in whatever career he had (I don’t remember) the other can build you a closet for all the clothes you design, and at night (or even during the day!) y’all can have all the fun you want! The best of both worlds! Photo: Moviestore/Shutterstock

Anyway, luckily she got that prenup because she sold her production company Hello Sunshine to Blackrock ( YUCK ) for $900M ( YUM! ) so I hope this divorce ends amicably for her, in the meantime, Jim better stay away from flights of stairs before there’s a Big Little Lies Volume. II! But honestly? I wouldn’t hate that!

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