The THEOry of Everything
But one THING in particular, if you know what I mean!
You may say I’m a dreamer.
But me and Millie Bobby Brown are NOT the only ones. In fact, LOTS of people want to see Theo James do bisexual butt stuff.
I know y’all are like chileeee, here he go AGAIN cause I literally just talked about HBO refusing to allow Theo James to be bisexual, but now — I think this is a DIRECT slight against me, a bisexual queer black man of colour. There’s no other explanation!
Hot and sexcy readers who read last week’s post may recall me saying I was “giving up” on The White Lotus, and that I “wasn’t going to sit around and wait for Theo James to do gay stuff” — well, dear reader, for the first time in HISTORY, I was wrong. And I’m not afraid to admit that! Sunday night, as I was nursing a bold Grenache from Côtes-du-Rhône, minding my business — the very same business that did NOT include watching a bisexual-less TV show by the name of The White Lotus! And yet, as if by magic, I get this text from
’s very own Hunter Harris.
Now, a good friend would have forgone texting me about a show I had already given up on for my mental (and sexual) health. But a GREAT FRIEND would tell me when gay stuff is happening, so of COURSE I had to throw caution to the wind and watch the episode, because THEO JAMES WAS DOING BISEXUAL SEX!
Now, is that what she wrote? No. But is that what I read? Absolutely. So imagine my slight surprise when it wasn’t him. Imagine my surprise when the most bisexual thing Theo James was doing was lying, and drinking wine in an ugly shirt. Imagine!
Mike White must have read last week’s newsletter as well though, cause he said chile lemme give this annoying ass boy SOMETHING! So like Peeta in The Hunger Games throwing Katniss some old ass dry bread while she sat in the rain — he decided to make ANOTHER character swing both ways. If you haven’t seen Sunday’s episode of The White Lotus, stop here, cause there’s spoilers ahead.
Okay now that it’s just us girls — Didn’t I say there were SPOILERS ahead???
Okay now that it’s REALLY just us girls, after spending all that time with Tanya’s assistant who we definitely hate (amirite), Mike White let Quentin’s “nephew” from Essex clap them cheeks in that palatial villa. And they say romance is dead! At any rate, my Bisexual Foreshadowing folder has another entry!
I’m hoping they aren’t ACTUALLY related tho because this ain’t Game of Thrones! Incest don’t belong here!
Now, in this same episode, they have Theo James and Aubrey Plaza (a true bisexual kween) getting chummy, and I just have to ask, why does Mike White HATE bisexual people? Do you think Theo was LYING when he said these words to Will Sharpe?
Everyone who is ANYONE knows there’s truth in jest. Plus they were roommates in college! This is LONG overdue if you ask me. There are only two episodes left, and I can’t lie and say I won’t be waiting with bated breath for something to happen, for Mike White, the show’s writer and director (who is gay) to come to his goddamned senses. But it’s like Hilary Duff’s famous line from the iconic film A Cinderella Story
Honourable Mention
It’s Skinty, Bitch
Christmas is literally tomorrow, as such, London said it’s time to send in the tree, luv! And send in the tree they DID. She must be on the Kate Moss diet because miss girl is looking LEAN. She said I’m TIRED of decking the halls! Not to thin-shame but I don’t think it’s supposed to look like that. But you know what? To each their own. The UK is having a tough time as it is.
McAvoy, James McAvoy
In conversation with British GQ, my ex James McAvoy talks about a biopsy that nearly killed him (not medical malpractice tryna kill Professor XXX) while getting his nails did. I’m not saying he specifically did this interview to get me to notice him again, but what other reason would he have for being on the front of a magazine right now as I’m scrolling social media? Exactly. Case closed. Legs open.
Don’t Mention It
People talking about using their family cake bowls as puke buckets and then using them for cake again
Bones and All — Listen. Personally, some things are just not for me. This was one of them. I’m pleading the FIFTH.
Jake Gyllenhaal’s flop movie Strange World
This Week’s Playlist Theme is: Family Affair
Thank you for subscribing to Now That I Mention It — and now that I mention it, thank you for being a friend.
That tree is NOT right