Tom Brady Catches The Rebound
Shayk, Shayk, Shayk, señora! Shayk it all the de time!
If I know anything about sports it’s this—in the first quarter of the 9th inning, when the bases are loaded, and the ball is on the 20 yard line—nothing else matters, except the rebound.
Unfortunately for Irina Shayk, she knows less about sports than me, which is why she’s rebounding with the Duke of Divorce, Tom Brady. She and the Brady have been traipsing around, having sleepovers, deflating—I mean being photographed on the west coast leaving a hotel in Bel-Air (she wanna be the Fresh Prince SO BADDDD), and now making their way to the east coast, being spotted on the mean streets of New York.
I should preface this by saying that for the last few weeks, the temperature in New York has been a balmy 93° or higher.
Climate change is really doing us in with the scorching concrete, and shade? Nowhere in SIGHT chile—but over the weekend, Miss Shayk was photographed getting into a black SUV with a black baseball cap, black hoodie, and long black coat, basically dressed like she was on her way to commit a heist in Gotham City, or like Jennifer Lopez in Enough when she was about to do revenge on her husband.
And now that I mention it—if you haven’t seen the Netflix film Do Revenge from last autumn, you should! It’s loosely based on Alfred Hitchcock’s Strangers on a Train, it’s about two high school girls doing—well, revenge—on each other’s nemeses, and if I’m being honest (which I always am) it’s kind of the perfect comedown if you’ve seen the Barbie movie, and want a double dose of fun feminism. And after that, you can read this hilarious piece I wrote about it (yes I’m tooting my own horn!) for Vulture.
Anyway—The real loser here is that Miss Shayk is wearing a pair of $200 Nike Shox, a terrible collaboration between the brand and Martíne Rose, incredibly similar to a pair I had in 2001 that were easily the most uncomfortable shoes I’ve ever worn in my LIFE. And I’ve worn 6” Louboutins that were four sizes too small in a drag show!
What I will say is—she wasn’t dressing like that when she was with Bradley Cooper!
But I must say, I’m glad she’s not dating someone like Ethan Slater, Ariana Grande’s scary looking boo, or some other married man! As Nene Leakes says, she is keeping her legs closed to married men, unlike SOME people! But might I suggest other rebounds Irina?
Potential Rebounds From Least to Most Homewrecky
Austin Butler — Sure he’s dating Cindy Crawford’s supermodel daughter Kaia Gerber, but he’s literally 31 and she’s 21. If he don’t go get a damn JOB! He is being a little bit too method in his Elvis pursuit for me!
Phil Dunster — Phil is great. He just wrapped Ted Lasso (I stopped watching after the first season, it was really the wholesome entertainment I needed during the pandemic, but after that I really understood Olivia Wilde because Jason Sudeikis is annoying as hell) he’s handsome, and kind, he has Princess Peach lips like his British Brethren Tom Hardy, and he has a hell of a rumpshayker (see what I did there?)—he’s got my vote!
Aaron Taylor Johnson — Honestly, I don’t even give a fuck. Wreck It-Irina come kick down the door, break the dishes, and bust the windows out his car, because this home needs to be wrecked, and Aaron’s marriage to that predatory ghoul needs to be dissolved! Someone use homewrecking for GOOD!
As I previously mentioned, the Red, White, & Royal Blue film has been adapted and is being released on Prime Video August 11th, and tomorrow, in anticipation of the film, I am planning to do a reread.
If some of you are reading along with me (not us having a book club!) I can open up a chat and we can discuss! I’ve already seen a major change from the book with June, Alex’s sister being cut from the film. Let me know so I don’t bombard you with posts you don’t care about lol.
Mini Mention
Shout out to my dear reader Kiara who I met over the weekend. I am so glad you love the newsletter, and am so thankful y’all keep rocking with me!
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Y’all said “ain’t nobody rereading that damn book” LOLOL
omg not a shout out!!!!!! It was so great to meet you!!
Also, I pick Austin butler because 1. He is my birthday twin (august 17) and 2. It has been stressing me out that he is dating that little girl (Kaia) for too long and I need to breathe.