Girl What The Fuck Is A Bartise? An Investigation

Is it like when bartenders use Latisse?

They don’t call me the Black Oprah for nothing.

Okay, no one actually calls me that, but — I am known for getting to the bottom of things, and not just because I’m a top.

Since I started this newsletter two months ago (not it being our two month anniversary two days ago and you didn’t even get me nothing) I have gotten to the bottom of whether or not Evan Peters is actually a serial killer — spoiler alert, he is. Whether or not Gisele is a witch who put a spell on Tom Brady — spoiler alert, she is, and she did. And once and for all, whether or not flop actor Harold Styles should be worrying — spoiler alert, he SHOULD. So I KNOW you didn’t think I was gonna sit idly by while everyone was talking about a “bartise” and I didn’t know what the hell was going on.