I Have A Video That Should Lead to the Arrest of Kacey Musgraves and Sabrina Carpenter

Those boots were made for walking off the stage! Apologize to Nancy Sinatra!

Over the years, the Sinatra family has given us many things.

For starters, even though people with blue eyes scare me (except Long Hair Christ Pine) there’s the existence of Frank Sinatra’s underrated classic In The Wee Small Hours of the Morning¹, Ronan Farrow², and most notably, Nancy Sinatra’s These Boots Are Made For Walking, and now, Kacey Musgraves and Sabrina Carpenter are trying to RUIN that legacy!

Earlier this week, capitalism was doing her thing with the Levi’s sponsored, Amazon Music livestream of Outside Lands Music Festival. I’m personally too old to be at music festivals—who am I, Bridget Jones in Bridget Jones’ Baby³???

Now, typically I love the pop girlies. Before “Brat Summer” became a thing, people were being Nasty with Tinashe. The girlies were getting hyped up on that me Espresso! Listeners with taste were pressing play and getting even DEEPER into Kacey Musgraves’ Deeper Well. And then, when I was minding my business, I hear this grating, agitating cover of one of our most beloved female anthems. Brace yourselves.

I don’t know who, or what possessed them to do this, but we need an exorcism IMMEDIATELY. CAST OUT THESE DEMONS LORD!!! Was there no rehearsal? Was there no run through? Do they not know the words? Have they never gone on YouTube at 2am in a room full of their friends and played the Nancy Sinatra video and danced along with her and taken shots every time she said the word “boots” — some people don’t know how to have a good time!

And now that I mention it—Kacey wasn’t even WEARING boots?! (I would hardly call what Sabrina was wearing boots either, but still) like where is the theatre? Where is the costuming? Where is the excitement? WHERE IS THE SHOWWOMANSHIP?!?!

I felt like I was in a retirement home watching two high schoolers who were forced to entertain septuagenarians as part of their community service for drinking and driving and they STILL showed up drunk and disorderly. What has become of our pop princesses? Please respect my privacy at this time.

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Mini Mention:

The majority of you voted that you do not care about Love Is Blind: UK—Sometimes this is newsletter is a democracy. You have been heard. I will abolish those posts.

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For further reading of other receipts I have in my evidence locker…

1. I know people like other songs by him, but In The Wee Small Hours was about Ava Gardener and I will always support sad love songs about people realizing they lost a baddie.

2. Frank Sinatra is that boy daddy and I don’t wanna hear another word about it!!!

3. This entry in the series kind of saved the franchise. BJ2 was literally so bad, I don’t know what went wrong, but I’m glad they’re rectifying it with the final installment.