I’m Obsessed with the Name of Sophie Turner’s New Boo Thang
I love an alliteration!
As longtime readers may well know, I am a huge proponent for divorce.
I perpetually praise it and many posts pertain to such practices. So it’s pretty predictable this post is about Sophie Turner-Jonas (soon to be without Jonas) who at present, has a pristine papi in her life, a particularly peachy prince—he’s not really a prince, but he IS an aristocrat, and his father is a viscount—and I’m obsessed with his name.
Peregrine Pearson—a real person, not a dog or a precocious 7th grader who solves mysteries at an all-girls boarding school where teachers vanish at night—is Sophie’s new main squeeze. Her pernicious parting from a particular Jonas brother could quite possibly be precisely what she needs.
Perry—as he’s often want to be perceived (which is a real disservice to Peregrine) is very english, just look at the wallpaper, the sofas, and the artwork! It’s giving granny!
We don’t really know much about him, and not to generalize, but one thing about the English? Notoriously bad kissers. Except Tom Hardy, but that’s another story for another day sweetie!
It also brings to mind THIS post longtime subscribers may remember where I awarded Harold Styles the Oscar for Worst Kisser in the WORLD for his performances in both My Policeman and Don’t Worry [comma] Darling.
Harold Styles' Performance in My Policeman Deserves An Award
As a preteen, most of us played a classic game called 7 Minutes in Heaven, a “game” where you went in a closet for 7 minutes and kissed someone. In retrospect, what the fuck? 7 minutes is a long ass time. But I’d rather spend 7 minutes in a coat closet swapping spit with one of my peers, 6 minutes away from getting Mono, or even an ETERNITY in Hell brin…
And Liam Neeson may be from Northern Ireland, but his ass don’t know how to kiss either! He’s long been on my shitlist, but we won’t go into that now.
Generally, when we move on from someone in a divorce we go out and have wild, passionate sex with someone else. While I love his name, I simply can’t see old Peregrine ripping a bodice and being strong enough to not let her head hit the bed without his hand behind it (thank you sleazy John Mayer for that lyric)
Perhaps the MOST important thing though—more important than happiness actually—is that the celebrity portmanteau works. Not everyone can be a Brangelina, Bennifer, or TomKat—although now that I mention it, the best portmanteaus are passionately doomed couples.
So in the end, it’s quite possible Pophie… Seregrine…Tearson… or Purner will end up in the clear!
This paragraph is high ART!!! “Peregrine Pearson—a real person, not a dog or a precocious 7th grader who solves mysteries at an all-girls boarding school where teachers vanish at night—is Sophie’s new main squeeze. Her pernicious parting from a particular Jonas brother could quite possibly be precisely what she needs.” Just read it like Julie Andrews narrating Bridgerton for max effect.
There are so many good lines in here I lost count. “which is a real disservice to Peregrine” lol. John Mayer is the sleaziest! That line, that reference 👌🙏🏽